Two days ago the high school threatened my Bonus Child (BC). What was the threat? That she would not get to walk with her graduating class. Here is the why:
Schools here have what is called “Senior Project” that has to been turned in and presented with a passing grade in order to graduate. Monday was presentation day. BC asked me if she could leave school early so she could get her presentation together for that evening. She is an A/B student taking IB and Adv classes. Of course I gave her permission. But when she asked I was in the middle of something and I told her I would call in 2 minutes. Two minutes turned in to 5 and she calls me back to say that they will not let her go. Which is obvious because the front office staff is berating her, telling he rto “calm down”. She was not yelling, she was not screaming, she was not throwing things. She was simply frustrated because she knew she had my permission to leave, they just wouldn’t let her go. I asked BC if they would just talk to me since I am on the phone, but they would not. So I hung up and called the office. The line rang for 20 seconds before sending me to voicemail. I left a message, but at this point I was extremely irritated, and the message I left certainly portrayed that. I called BC back and she tells me they have left the office which is why they did not answer. They returned 2 -3 minutes later, still telling her to “calm down” and if she did not they would suspend her, which means she would not walk with her class. Now, I watched this young woman work her TAIL off to catch up and then EXCEED expectations. Not walking was NOT an option. By this point I have already left a message, and they refuse to check the voicemail. They are refusing to take her phone and talk to me, and they are refusing to call me. If I weren’t clear across town on a different errand, I would have gone up to the school myself to raise all kinds of HAYELL. After a full 20 minutes of this nonsense, they finally let her leave.
And this is not the first time they have done this kind of foolishness. I think it is probably time that I post about the Black History presentation that almost didn’t happen last year.
Believe me when I say that no more of my children will be darkening that school’s doorstep.
I think folks are keen on pushing my buttons to see how far I will go. Or maybe they really are just that obtuse, just floating along on this cloud of delusion that everybody loves them. Never once considering that there is someone out there that dreams of drawing and quartering them, then mounting their skull on a pike. Or something similar.
I try to keep a civil tongue, mainly because I was raised to respect my elders, even when they are being less than respectful to me. I am also shedding this toxic mentality so that my kids will never be afraid to tell me when they have been less than amazing human beings. So I am stuck in this dichotomy of respecting old people who have done nothing to earn my respect other than be born decades before me, and allowing young people to flat out argue with me over things I absolutely know to be true. It’s exhausting.
And all of this is relevant when I tell you that my Tiny Monkey’s paternal grandmother has nothing but contempt for me, does little to conceal it, but then speaks to me on occasion as if we have a close relationship. She offers unsolicited advice and opinions on everything I do. And out of deference to my partner, I kept my mouth closed, and trusted that he would set her straight. Spoiler alert: that never happened.
So now my partner is my ex-partner. We share child, so of course there has to be some communication between us. But I expected that with the dissolution of our partnership my obligation to communicate with his mother would cease. Oh, were I so lucky. If you read my last post, you know that she was trying to shoehorn her way into a PTA meeting for my daughter’s school – from 2500+ miles away! I think he got to her before I could, and she dropped out before I could address it. So now she is back to being insulting, minus the abrasiveness. And she had the nerve to copy my mother on this bullshit email she sent.
I am not going to go into detail about the contents of the email, because it is ridiculously irrelevant and boils down to her giving a few pointers on how to do things the way she did them. I interpret that to mean that she believes that I am fucking up and I am doing it all wrong. At these times I would like to remind her that this is not my first rodeo, and my oldest child did graduate college and go on to be a productive member of society. Her only child did not graduate college (after making several attempts) and as has yet “failed to launch”. So who is the more qualified parent here?
Y’all, the gloves are officially off. I hope y’all started that go fund me campaign because it’s about to get ugly. This is really the last warning I’m going to give her. I hope she is smart enough to take the hint. Because the next step will be drastic, and NOBODY is going to be happy, but I will be slightly more pleased than everyone else involved.
My daughter and I are ~2500 miles away from her father. But I believe that a parent is a parent no matter how far away they are, so I make sure he is signed up to get the newsletters and emails and every school announcement that I get. Him, but not his mother.
This past week there was a PTA meeting for the school on zoom. I logged in kinda late, and I see he is there already. I’m a little embarrassed cause I like to be the parent that is on top of things, and not sprinting in at the last minute. And just as I am shaking that feeling off, I see that his MOTHER has signed into the meeting. Y’all this pisses me off on so many levels.
About 5 years ago this woman called me an awful parent, insinuating that my son’s success had nothing to do with me. When I moved across country it was just before the pandemic; I did not realize that it was going to take 2+ years for me to reunite my family, or that her father was going to definitively prove that he had no interest in being a complement to my life instead of a curse. During that time my daughter’s father was supposed to be caring for our daughter, but instead he allowed his mother to take the reins. For that reason I was not given any access to my daughter’s school records, announcements, grades, attendance… NOTHING. Her father would sometimes talk about something in passing and then say “oh, I didn’t tell you?” He never added me to the list of authorized contacts or the mailing list, never gave me a valid reason, and even after bringing it to his attention he still did not get me included on anything related to her school.
So when she pops in to the meeting, I text him something snarky like “I see you are still keeping her in the loop.” He says she found the information online and he could not stop her from attending. And how exactly does she know which of the 50 gajillion schools in the area my daughter goes to? And why haven’t you told her to butt out?
See, she had ONE JOB. And she failed at it. At one point she even asked me to help him not lose his job. (He is a GROWN AZZ MAN, how tf am I supposed to do THAT?!) I spent almost 15 years trying to fix what she never allowed to develop until I threw my hands up and called it quits. I finally realised that neither one of them appreciated any of my efforts; my rewards included gaslighting, being designated the scapegoat, and the complete dissolution of my peace. And that is just from him; we won’t talk about what came from her.
And now she wants to be an influencer in my child’s life? I already see the ill effects of her influence and I am not a fan. She crippled her only child into not being fully functional on his own, and I will be dayumed if I let her do that to my child.
I was 2 seconds off of sending a text message to her telling her to take a flying leap, when I see that she removed herself from the meeting. I’ll save that text message for another day, because I KNOW that day is coming. In the meantime, y’all get my bail/legal defense fund set up for me? Or maybe a plausible alibi? I am pretty sure I am gonna need it.
“I CAN BE YOUR WHORE! I am the dirt you created. I am your sin; I am your whore. But let me tell you something baby You LOVE me for everything you HATE me for!”
I love to blast this in the car – windows down – on a beautiful day when the sun is blessing everything and I am feeling on top of the world. Like most metal (rock?) music the song is loud and obnoxious and totally full of energy. I imagine the live concert with bodies jumping, hands waving, fists pumping in the air, the crowd literally SCREAMING the refrain. I wish I could be right there, right in the middle, screaming myself hoarse. I totally feel this song.
A few male friends heard me reveling in the moment, and cautioned “You know you can’t let your daughters hear this, right?”
FIRST OF ALL – your opinion was neither solicited nor appreciated. Please stay in your lane.
SECOND OF ALL – Why the fuck not?!
And before you all clutch your pearls and brand me with a scarlet letter let’s examine the lyrics.
She starts by exuding confidence: “I’m the girl you’ve been thinking about/The one thing you can’t live without/Yeah, I’m the girl you’ve been waiting for/I’ll have you down on your knees/I’ll have you begging for more.” She saw him watching her, licking his lips while he thought of all the vile things he would love to do to her. Men do this – regard women as semi sentient beings whose sole purpose is to fulfill whatever fantasy a man may dream up. Society dismisses this as “boys being boys”. And not only is she aware of the attention, but she confronts it. She is telling him that she is so skilled that he will no longer be in control of his desires. That she will have him begging. How about that dichotomy? I will give you this piece of candy, and it will be everything you thought it would be and then some, but afterwards you will not be able to think of anything else. You will beg and plead for it, hoping that I will relent and give you another. That is badass, pure CONFIDENCE.
Next, she called him out. “You probably thought I wouldn’t get this far/You thought I’d end up in the back of a car/You probably thought that I’d never escape/I’d be a rat in a cage, I’d be a slave to this place.” The assumption that because she did things that a “proper lady” would not do, she would be relegated to the lowest dregs of society; that her worth was somehow lowered to almost nothing. Let me tell you, I have been told to my face that I would not be good for anything but laying on my back. And then everyone around him told me that I was being too sensitive, and that it was just his painkillers talking. (To those people: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, fuck you. I’m out.)
And then: “You don’t know how hard I fought to survive/Waking up alive when I was left to die/You don’t know about this life I’ve lived/All these roads I’ve walked/All these tears I’ve bled.” In other words “You can kiss my entire ass.” Women are not disposable playthings. But for some reason women are mistreated and tossed out like garbage. And when they try to bring attention to crime they are abused yet again by a society that says she asked for it. These lyrics are attesting to this fact. And yet she survived, and then thrived. Sex workers, I give you one hell of a SALUTE. Your line of work does not give anyone the right to abuse you. Missy Elliot said “Girls, girls get that cash/If it’s 9 to 5 or shakin ya ass/Ain’t no shame ladies, do your thing/Just make sure you ahead of the game.” No, I am not going to be a sex worker – I am not cut out for that. But not everyone is cut out to troubleshoot software code. Ladies – and gents – go make your money the best way you know how and tell the rest of the world to kiss your ass – for a fee of course.
And then she smacks him with the truth:
“I’m the one that you need and fear Now that you’re hooked, it’s all becoming clear That all your judgments that you placed on me Was a reflection of discovery So maybe next time when you cast your stones From the shadows of the dark unknown You will crawl up from your hiding place Take a look in the mirror See the truth in your face”
She basically said “Throw another stone motherfucker, I dare you.” You are telling me that I am lowest of the low, that I am worthless because of what has happened to me. You didn’t expect me to figure out how to use your base desires to control you. And now you are fucking terrified of how the slave can now be the master. How does that shit feel now?
“So how can this be?/You’re praying to me/There’s a look in your eyes/I know just what that means/I can be, I can be your everything…”
This is the ULTIMATE empowerment song. She was treated like a rag doll, and now she knows exactly how to catch them by the short and curlies. They thought they had her beat; they thought wrong. She learned to use her sexuality as a weapon and now they have reason to be afraid.
So, ladies. Someone told us that our most powerful weapon is our most shameful feature, and we bought that lie. It’s time to sell it back. Look him dead in the eye and scream:
I was told to share my lamentations with another party.* This counts, right?
First a little catch up for those who don’t know me in real life. I was laid off in 2019. After spending 4 months looking or a job, I decided to try my luck in a completely different city. As luck would have it, I found a job almost immediately, and now I am waiting for my family to join me.
On a Sunday night, I called my husband. I missed him, and I figured we could catch up. We are in the middle of the COVID pandemic and of course that colours all of our conversations. He told me that about his difficulties getting his father settled into hospice and tying up his affairs. We also talked about how scary it is having our youngest going to brick and mortar school with new COVID cases on the rise. As usual I offered to return home and give whatever assistance I could, and as usual he eschewed the idea saying he would deal with it.
The Peacock and the Dragon
Next morning I get up and peruse Facebook to see what I missed. Most of my friends are in a time zone 3 hours ahead of me so it is fun to see how their days are going. Someone had posted that their child’s school had just notified them of possible COVID exposure from 10 days ago. I was horrified. I shared this with my husband with the caption “This scares me.” I wasn’t prepared for the conversation that followed.
Him: Really Lily…
Me: Am I not supposed to share my concerns?
Him: Already told you that it’s on the back of my mind last night. you may not realize it but I am currently freaking out also. that is a stress that is in my face along with the situation of my dad. I’m currently thinking about all the procedures Taz will have to go through to prevent any kind of spread of happening in this house for the next week, never mind the fact if Taz catches something. Please in the future keep in mind who your audience is.
Me: So the answer is yes.
Him: If you need clarification, on the subject of your children being exposed to covid as of right now, yes keep them to yourself. I’m currently trying not to be too emotional about the situation and logically deal with it. Being reminded of it is not helping. Please send such Lamentations to another party.* On the side, if you have helpful advice, please let me know. I will happily take them.
(Remember when I said I would come back and offer whatever assistance I could?)
Me: We are supposed to be in this together. Now I see we are not. God to know.
(I apologize for the next passage, but I refuse to clean it up as I do not want to be accused of putting words in his mouth)
Him: I love you and I care for you so I will take time to explain this. I would like to believe that we are in this together, but please understand the fact that while you are over there I am over here. We are both parents worried about a child. But I am also a human being and a son that is worried about the cause and effect that if my child gets sick how it will affect me and my mother in the future. When you sent that text message to me it seemed like respect no understand no acknowledge the fact that I told you that this is a big worry last night and that I will have to deal with it. Yes the situation covid scares you as a mother. I realize that. But understand your comment belittles my feelings, tells me you’re not listening, or you’re too self-absorbed in yourself to realize that that was not supportive. So once again, change the subject and not talk about how the the pandemic is affecting your kids with me.
(Thank you for that bit of mansplaining that made absolutely no sense. But I digress)
Me: And now I’m self absorbed, disrespectful, inconsiderate and not human. Again, more information that is good to know.
Him: Do you even realize you just made a mistake? Do you realize you officially have slighted me?
(No. Because I did not make a mistake. Correction, I did make one mistake.)
Me: I made a mistake by accepting that you insulted my character. I am content to leave this conversation. Are you?
Him: That and the lack of awareness for the original comment. And if you make a mistake what must you do?
(Wait. Who TF do you think you are talking to?! I am not some toddler that you are teaching good manners to. This is the point that – had we been in the same room – I would have thrown several knives aimed at his jugular, carotid and femoral arteries simultaneously)
Me: You don’t understand sarcasm. And I’m officially done.
Him: Text message don’t carry tone well. That’s why we use emoji.
(And then slit his throat just for good measure)
I feel like this was another attempt at gaslighting me. Trying to make me at fault because I did not appreciate how he lashed out. I mean I could have said a number of things, like how he is too lazy to place his child’s health as a priority over his ability to sleep in and that is the only reason that she is not still in virtual learning. I could have reminded him that the doctors have told him that contracting this virus would be a death sentence. I could have recounted all the times our youngest came home with a cold that he caught, but 10 times worse. I could have reminded him that I have offered on numerous occasions to return and give help and how he has refused each time.
But maybe I am mistaken. Maybe one of you out there can tell me why I should not be angry. Please explain how I slighted him. And why I should be apologetic instead of incensed.
I have been unemployed for almost 5 months now. This the absolute longest that I have been involuntarily unemployed.
When it first happened I kind of floated. I think it was all just so surreal to me. I was called to an office and advised that my position had been eliminated. And then my nose began to bleed. Not like a small stream that I could stem with a twisted piece of face tissue. But a torrent, complete with blood clots. And still I was unfazed, more concerned about how embarrassing it was to be bleeding all over the place than having to pack up my desk. My husband called as I was driving away to ask me a question of no real consequence. I answered by saying I was currently unemployed and did not care. But I was being petty; I just did not want to answer him. It still had not fully washed over me that I was no longer employed. I really was just going through the motions of what I thought I should feel/do/say.
I honestly thought this would be temporary. That I would find a new job in no time at all. I mean, I had never had trouble finding a job before, even when I was just hopping from one job to the next. I applied to jobs, submitted resumes, expecting to be offered a position in no time at all. I was thinking of how I could use my severance to bolster the family’s financial stability. I did not think that I was actually going to have to use it just to stay above water.
At first I was getting canned rejections: “Your application was not chosen …”. I figured my resume needed some sprucing up, so I made changes. I was still getting the rejections. I updated my resume some more, still nothing. And then a trickle of interest. Then a steady flow. I interviewed. So many interviews. I was excited because it sounded so promising each time. Only to get another rejection email; more personalized this time, but still a rejection. The one job I was offered was for such an abysmal rate of pay that I felt insulted. And then even further insulted when they told me that I was told the wrong amount and that it was even LOWER.
Friends, I have been gainfully employed since I was 19. I have been the majority bread winner in my household for at least the last 18 years. It is probably obvious to all of you, but I have begun to realize just how much of my identity is wrapped up in my ability to provide for my family. I feel useless. I don’t feel like I have a purpose. I feel like a burden to those around me. My mental health has taken hit after hit. That “Itty Bitty Shitty Committee” in my head has been telling me about all my flaws and convincing me that I am a worthless human being. I have begun to doubt my skills, I don’t feel like I am all that smart.
– artwork by hellobaby on DeviantArt
My family has been the bee’s knees. They have supported me, they continue to have confidence in me, they tell me how much I am worth every single day. My friends have done the same. I have so much support from this community that I have not been in any danger. But I still do not have a job.
During all of this my adopted brother has also been without a job. And then he received an offer from the west coast, complete with a relocation stipend. When he got the news that he was hired, I was excited for him. I was also jealous- and a slight bit angry – that he was hired before me. And then I jokingly said that he should find me a job at the same company. He, however, was quite serious and told me to come with him. I laughed it off, said I can’t leave my husband and 2 youngest here while I work there. He shrugged and said, “Offer stands”.
And yet I still can’t find a job. More high hopes dashed in the rocks. Finances are getting really tight. And I am getting really frustrated at not being hired.
And then I asked myself “Would it really be that bad if we became a bicoastal family?” We have video chat, and texting, and email. I asked people who I trust what they thought. Some were trepidatious; they were not sure that it was a good idea to leave my family on one coast to go live/work on another. Others said that maybe it was exactly what I need to reset and refresh my approach to the job search. Maybe there would be more opportunities there, as my current locale is saturated with people like me looking for the same jobs.
And then I asked one person in particular. Someone who has been through this same predicament, with spouse and kids and needing to provide for the family. Who spent 6 years always on the road, and away from family. In a time where video chat was not an option and long-distance charges were still common. And they are now celebrating 30+ years of marriage and living the life they want.
You know what he said?
“Go be great.”
And at that moment I knew not only that I could do it, but that I owed it to myself to at least try. To not only step all the way out of my comfort zone, but to put it completely below the horizon. Oh, I’m scared. Believe you me I am downright TERRIFIED. I am shaking just writing this blog about it. But I am optimistic about the possibilities. I absolutely COULD find a job. I could get the income that I have been chasing for years. I could get my dream job and relocate the whole family. I could also find the same disappointment that I have found here. At the very least, I would have had a time to refresh myself. To gain a different perspective on my possibilities.
So here I go, taking this fool’s leap of faith, and hoping I land on solid ground.
This may be the most incoherent blog post I have ever
shared. I’m just warning you up front.
Depression is a really crazy animal. Especially when it is BiPolar
depression. Like, one day you are on top
of the world, and the next second you feel like a worthless grub. And the triggers, oh dear gods the TRIGGERS!!! Some of them you can see coming, and others sneak
up zombie slow and then all of a sudden “BOO! Got your brains”. And this season is the WORST.
For those of you are not a part of “Lily’s pocket of madness”
on a daily basis, let me catch you up.
Over the last 18 months I have lost so many people unexpectedly. I am sure you remember from previous blog
posts that I had lost people a few years ago, some to the rainbow bridge, some
to just life. One had the nerve to
violently remove himself from this plan of existence. One thing I had not done for any of these
losses is truly grieve.
In July of this year I was laid off, my position having been
eliminated. At first I was not
phased. I figured this would be a
temporary situation, and soon I would find a position and be back on my
feet. 3 months later I was still not
employed, my severance had run out, and we were getting close to the
holidays. It was also when I realized that
so much of my identity was wrapped up in my ability to take care of my family,
my financial independence, standing on my own 2 feet. As the months rolled by my confidence in
myself waned, and I became less sarcastically funny and more bitingly insulting.
I buried myself in the tasks that I could. I got involved in my sister’s wedding (such a
beautiful couple!) and then the volunteer job at a convention (33k+ people,
whew!) but now those things are passed, and I have nothing to occupy my
time. I applied for – and was offered –
a job that advertised a decent salary but when I got the offer letter it was
for far less than what was advertised. And that was the zombie that ate my brains.
I have fallen in to such a deep depression that I can feel
my friends edging away from my madness.
I am not bitter at them; they have to take care of themselves and if my
mental state is toxic then they have to cut me off to survive. But the waning support is only contributing
to my deteriorating mental health. I am
now to the point at which I feel like not existing is better than existing at
this level. And even in this state of
constant mental anguish I am considering other people’s feelings. I have the complete inability to be
selfish. But this too will pass, as I slowly
sink to the point where my pain is worse than my guilt.
Here is the kicker:
to turn all this around, I would first need to be employed at a salary
level that would make me feel like I have some of my independence back. In order to do this, I need to rebuild my resume. But guess who is too dayumed depressed to
function as the highly intelligent being that they are? Me.
And I am too embarrassed to say I am too defective to function
right. And even if I was not so embarrassed,
I have no idea what help to ask for, or from whom. Which makes me feel even more worthless. So I sink deeper. It’s really hard to do
anything, especially anything new, when the superseding thought is “I am a
worthless human being who does not deserve anyone’s time, love or attention.” And the lack of ability to prove myself wrong
just makes it worse.
Triggers, people.
Just one trigger, from out of nowhere, can start an out of control
spiral. Make sure your coping skills are
on point, and your support system is in place.
Warnings are not always given, and you need to be ready to fight this
disease that threatens to kill us.
I am going to try to find something that makes me feel
happy, and then maybe I will find the energy to fight.
I don’t really have too many personal relationships. I have my nuclear family. And then I have the family I’ve created. I have a *few* friendships, and most of those are in the process of being vetted as family.
This season is both my most and least favorite. I love the fall colors, most of the time I love the weather, and my favorite celebrations happen during this season.
But it’s also a time of remembrance. During the pagan end of wheel and the thinning of the veil, I reflect on the relationships I’ve lost. Some just fell away, others were taken from me before I was ready to let them go. Because I don’t entertain a lot of relationships the ones I have are precious to me.
This is also SAD season. Seasonal Affective Disorder. A large number of experts believe this phenomenon is mostly caused by the impending holiday season and how it is such a tough time for those without family to celebrate with. This is a tough time for me as I reflect on the losses to my family and “family”, many of which occurred during this season.
I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe because someone out there needs to read it. Maybe just because I needed to get it out. Maybe as a reminder to check on your people.
Be family. Be friends. Enjoy the time you have. Make tons of memories. And when the remembrance period arrives, your heart will burst with joy and pride whenever you think of them.
As for my family and “family” : I love you. I’m going to be quiet, reflective, withdrawn. I might not answer you, I might cry more, I may look like I tripped all the red flagged wires and make you think you need to rush in to save me. Before you do, ask me who am I missing in that moment, and please be willing to listen. “This too shall pass” and I’ll be myself again soon.
I’ve had constant issues with my weight. Since junior high. And if you could see what I looked like in junior high you would probably look at me crosswise. I have always been shaped more like Jessica Rabbit, and I grew up in a time before “Bootylicious” was goals. I have also had people I love and respect tell me I would be prettier if I lost weight. Whether they thought it is for my health, or because I was not aesthetically pleasing, or I just did not fit in with the rest of the family dynamic it was all hurtful and did a number on my self esteem.
On a separate, but related, note I’ve struggled with depression. Mainly I felt like I was left out of everything. That I was an afterthought to everyone I considered important in my life. I also felt that I was a quintessential screw up; that everything I touched turned to crap. I felt that I did not live up to anyone’s expectations, and that everyone would be better off if I just disappeared into the sunset. Everyone always SAID I was smart, but if I was so smart, why did I feel so stupid? It was not until I was made aware of my diagnoses that I realized much of this was the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee that had taken up residence in my head.
Everyday it is a struggle to reconcile how I feel about my weight, and to keep my brain chemistry from napalming my life.
But understand this: I’m not so far gone that I will accept ANYONE’S mistreatment of me. I’m too smart, too talented, to beautiful to let ANY PERSON (male or female) convince me that I should accept any form of abuse (mental, emotional, or physical) because it’s the best I’ll ever get.
All of you out there who think you are too fat, to skinny, to tall, too short. Who think you are not beautiful, not smart, too smart. Who think your (perceived) disabilities disqualify you from finding your form of happiness:
FUCK THAT SHIT.
Go be the radiant god/dess that your were born to be. Tell the rest of the world to taste your rainbow.
“They are about to say ‘I do’, three little letters, two little words. Its the simplest part of the day; but there is nothing simple about the things that will remain unsaid. ‘I do’ means I do know I could be hurt, but I am ready to be healed with you. It means I do want to try, even when the fear of failure holds me back. And I do not know the future, but I am ready to be surprised along the way. ‘I do’ means I do want your love & I do give you mine. And nothing we do will ever be the same, because we will be doing it all together.”
My baby sis is getting married. I’ve been a part of the festivities leading up to the big day. I’ve listened to her brainstorm and I’ve thrown out a suggestion or 2. I was part of her bachelorette shenanigans. I’ve had an opportunity to meet my brother-to-be and be completely bowled over by how perfect he is for her. I love the beautifully blended family they are about to become.
My little sister. Literally little. With her beautifully infectious smile, her captivating brown eyes, and gorgeous ebony skin. And all the storm she brings with her. The fire, the passion, and the sheer will that makes her a force not just to be reckoned with but to be bowed to. And then I watched her giggle like a school girl when talking about the man she is going to marry. I watched her eyes get dreamy thinking about the life they will have together. And her excitement as the day gets closer and closer.
In 2 days I’ll get to watch my gorgeous younger sister walk down the aisle. I’ll see my dad give her away. I’ll watch my new brother vow to be hers forever and always. I’ll watch my sister vow to be his. I’ll try to hold back the tears as I watch two beautiful humans profess their love for each other.
I look forward to watching them grow in each other. I look forward to seeing all the amazing things they will accomplish.
Congrats Sis. Welcome to the family, Brother.
To paraphrase Maya Angelou:
“He was always hers to have. She was always his. They will love each other in and out in and out in and out of time.”
Chaotically Controlled 