I don’t really have too many personal relationships. I have my nuclear family. And then I have the family I’ve created. I have a *few* friendships, and most of those are in the process of being vetted as family.
This season is both my most and least favorite. I love the fall colors, most of the time I love the weather, and my favorite celebrations happen during this season.
But it’s also a time of remembrance. During the pagan end of wheel and the thinning of the veil, I reflect on the relationships I’ve lost. Some just fell away, others were taken from me before I was ready to let them go. Because I don’t entertain a lot of relationships the ones I have are precious to me.
This is also SAD season. Seasonal Affective Disorder. A large number of experts believe this phenomenon is mostly caused by the impending holiday season and how it is such a tough time for those without family to celebrate with. This is a tough time for me as I reflect on the losses to my family and “family”, many of which occurred during this season.
I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe because someone out there needs to read it. Maybe just because I needed to get it out. Maybe as a reminder to check on your people.
Be family. Be friends. Enjoy the time you have. Make tons of memories. And when the remembrance period arrives, your heart will burst with joy and pride whenever you think of them.
As for my family and “family” : I love you. I’m going to be quiet, reflective, withdrawn. I might not answer you, I might cry more, I may look like I tripped all the red flagged wires and make you think you need to rush in to save me. Before you do, ask me who am I missing in that moment, and please be willing to listen. “This too shall pass” and I’ll be myself again soon.
Chaotically Controlled 